Despite Circumstances
by archangelraphaelsdaughter
Summary: EXERPTS from the 'Compare and Contrast the Following' series. With Loki being an official consultant of SHIELD and living in the Tower with the Avengers, Clint struggles to deal with trusting the one who unmade him. This isn't made easier by the disturbingly possessive behaviour of the god towards his archer. Gradual Frosthawk, LokixClint slash.
1. Assertions

**DISCLAIMER: ****I do not own any of the events or characters from the film **_**Thor,**_** nor**_** MARVEL'S The Avengers **_**– I am just borrowing them for play.**

**WARNINGS: This pairing will contain Dom/sub elements, simply due to the nature of their respective roles and also because of the perspectives I perceive as present in the relationship. Though unsure about the extent of Mature Content this fic might delve to include, the elements aforementioned above include:**

_**petting, hand-feeding, irrational possessiveness, public displays of ownership, and subservience  
**_

**These chapters are **_**excerpts**_** from my series **_**Compare and Contrast the Following**_** – they cannot be read without the context provided there.**

* * *

_**Despite Circumstances**_

**_-~S~-_**

_**This excerpt is from Enlightening Nuances, Chapter Four: Extraction. A continuation of Clint's thoughts and a change in Loki's entrance.  
**_

_**-~S~-**_

_Chapter One: Assertions_

_Under Him, it wasn't any different from SHIELD, really. It was better. And I don't know if these thoughts are 'cause of the memories I have of His influence or not. But it was the same in that I'd be told who was opposing us, who to kill, and without asking for any further reasoning I'd obey. I was trained as an assassin – that's what I do. But to have the whole thing flipped around and a parallel situation presented…_

_Now I have my mind back, but if I weren't with the Avengers I'd be doing the same things for SHIELD that I was for Him. There's no morality that occurred to me – it's the same thing. Loki's the 'evil' one – right now. Since He lost. If He'd won then where would I be? I'd still be His slave – or maybe He'd release me. Because what threat would I bring if He ruled the world? Would I have even tried to oppose Him, or would He have explained things as I'm working them out now? Would I be grateful that He'd taken me?_

_And what's worse… He wasn't a bad handler. I wasn't abused or downtrodden by Him. I had to fight for my skills to be recognized by SHIELD, but He just waltzed in and appreciated my work. I was His favourite, He'd said. His Deputy. And He might've just been looking through my mind and knew that I was expendable at SHIELD, so played on it… But it doesn't change how His words affected me. Plus the fact that He was my god while I was controlled… Praised by your god? Yeah, that's a sensation you can just dismiss._

_And… I'm worried about what this DVD'll show. I was completely under his control, and there was that time…_

_I had offered myself to Him. He was my god and so I had offered my body for His use._

_But He hadn't taken it – me. I was confused at the time. He'd given an odd smile and shook His head, cooing as He ran His fingers through my hair, "You're not thinking clearly, pet."_

_And I'd been crushed, because I'd wanted to serve Him in every way – but I wasn't good enough, of course not, not to a god...  
_

_He'd dissuaded those notions by continuing to pet my hair and praising my work, making excuses about how He was busy and couldn't afford to be distracted – and so I'd continued to devote myself to Him._

_But it makes sense now._

_And no matter how much I want to hate Him for the control He had over me, how can I, really, when He didn't take advantage of it?_

_And that was different. With SHIELD I'd have to torture kids or kill innocents for leverage over whatever target I was following, it didn't matter my objections – but here was one who had my mind __– _ heart _– _ in His hand, one who had to only say the word and I'd be happy to obey Him. I would've done anything and been happy through it all.

_But He didn't abuse that power. Each target had a purpose, each hit worked towards something. And when I practically threw myself at Him He only talked me down gently._

_If I'd been in control I'd never have handed that level of trust over to anyone, but I did with Him and when He didn't prove that that was misplaced… Even when I awoke and was horrified with what I'd done… I was grateful._

_Because if anyone had raped me it might've broken me. But if He'd taken advantage of me while I was under His control, I'd have been forced to enjoy it and reciprocate – I know it would've slowly driven me insane. It would have destroyed me._

_And I don't know what to do with this, because I hate that He was able to turn my beliefs inside-out on a whim, but love that He appreciated my skillset. And I can't help but want to kneel before Him and cry at His feet in thanks because He didn't sleep with me even though I asked Him to._

"Hawk," Loki called, and Clint wasn't sure if he wanted it to be in his head or not.

His gaze refocused to find the god casually leaning with His back against the edge of the table looking up at him. Clint glowered and gruffly asked, "What?" because Loki had left before him, which implied He had something on His mind to do, and Jarvis had not announced Phil's return yet. He forcefully pushed away the acceptance he felt at having received no strange look from Loki at his perch.

"I had something to ask you, but perhaps we should talk about what's on your mind first," Loki suggested with a smirk, a pointed glance sent towards Clint's hands.

He relaxed his fingers from where they had reflexively clenched over the opposite hand's knuckles, narrowing his eyes at the god before climbing down. He was planning on confronting Him about whatever it was the god wanted to ask, but once his feet touched the ground and he was officially _not_ in his comfort zone and had to look up at Loki due to his height, his pulse sounded in his ears and a scowl twisted his mouth. Aware but dismissive of the foolhardiness of his actions, he marched over the few steps separating them to fist his hands at the collar of the god's leather overcoat. "Yeah? You want to talk?"

Loki merely raised an eyebrow, humming in interest at the change in attitude from when they had interacted on the Helicarrier as Clint was packing. Consciously seeking to be aggravating, he remarked idly, "Are you experiencing a hormonal imbalance?"

Clint growled and reeled back a fist to slam it into the god's face, _consequences be damned_, when it was stopped by Loki's palm. He held the force of the attack at bay seemingly without any strain as Clint tried to drive it forward, and then Loki asked, curiously, "What instance in particular were you dwelling on that compelled you to break your hand against my face just to appease your urge for retribution?"

He drew back with an enraged snarl and put a couple of paces between them, hissing, "Everything! And you're being a bastard about it all and confusing me 'cause you should've just let me break my hand instead of stopping me! Wouldn't that teach me a lesson about your superiority?!"

"What do you believe my thoughts regarding you to be, pet?"

"Don't call me that!"

Loki moved closer, not cautiously but as one would when approaching an injured wildcat, perhaps; he was prepared to dodge any desperate attack that was forthcoming. He came to stand in front of Clint, whose muscles were taught with anger and confusion, and stooped slightly so to meet his archer's eyes without him having to crane his neck upward awkwardly. "It doesn't matter to me that you're free from my influence. I know you, through invasive and unprecedented force, maybe, but have come to know you and your talents, and I will have your loyalty if it takes an age of persuasion to convince you that I am worthy of it.

"Because you are the type of warrior who is treasured throughout the Nine Realms, and having met you I will not allow you to escape me so easily into hands that will not care for you properly. So I shall call you whatever I like, my Hawk, because though you don't see me as your owner now, you are mine."

And Clint glared at the god, hating him for sparing his sanity, and realizing his talents, and knowing that, though he stared up at him now with rebellion and defiance filling his eyes and stance, Clint could not escape his memories of the utter devotion he had felt for Him.

He dropped his gaze and glared at the floor for a moment before stepping back again, deciding to abandon the issue for now since Phil would likely be returning to the tower soon and this would be cut short. Clint's eyes rose to meet Loki's as he dismissed the previous conversation from his mind and tried to question politely, "What did you want to ask me when you came here?"

The Trickster's eyes glinted in amusement at the avoidance of the topic instead of the expected rebuttal to his claims before he calmed and began, "Well, I had heard something interesting that implied that your team had received a disc previous to this one…"

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: And here's the start! Warnings are at the top of each chapter under the disclaimer so you know what to expect.**

**This won't be developing steadily as a separate fic. Their relationship will progress in the main series, and then when any scene comes involving their development as a pairing I'll post it here and gloss over the gap in the other fic. Lengths of chapters will vary accordingly, and at the top of them I explain where the scene would fit in.**

**Drop a review and let me know what you think!**


	2. Reassurance

**DISCLAIMER: ****I do not own any of the events or characters from the film **_**Thor,**_** nor**_** MARVEL'S The Avengers **_**– I am just borrowing them for play.**

**WARNINGS: This pairing will contain Dom/sub elements, simply due to the nature of their respective roles and also because of the perspectives I perceive as present in the relationship. Though unsure about the extent of Mature Content this fic might delve to include, the elements aforementioned above include:**

_**petting, hand-feeding, irrational possessiveness, public displays of ownership, and subservience  
**_

**These chapters are **_**excerpts**_** from my series **_**Compare and Contrast the Following**_** – they cannot be read without the context provided there.**

* * *

_**Despite Circumstances**_

**_-~S~-_**

_**This excerpt is from Enlightening Nuances, Chapter Eight: Taut. An alternate beginning and ending to the first scene.**_

_**-~S~-**_

_Chapter Two: Reassurance_

"_**I can see why Fury chose you," **__Loki praised, bright eyes assessing, "but __**you are mine **__now." His frame was wreathed in bright blue as He stalked nearer to Clint's prone figure.__** "I will not allow you to escape me so easily into hands that will not care for you properly." **__He grasped the archer's chin in one hand and forced him to crane his neck back so to draw their eyes closer. "Do you understand me, __**pet?"**_

"_**Yes, sir."**_

_Clint's knees suddenly weakened and his God caught him, an arm wrapping around the small of his back. Where the two were pressed together there suddenly was a deep burn, and he could see the purple and orange and green flames licking from his God's core and through him, the magic akin to the edges of fingernails scraping through his muscles and over his nerves. The assassin's head tilted back as he struggled to breathe, gasping when the fingers under his jaw lengthened and warped into claws, sharpened nails digging into the skin under his ears and lower, at his side as well._

"_**You have heart," **__He crooned, pulling him closer still. Disregarding anatomy and physics it seemed as though the possessive hold around his back sunk into his core as His mind and magic and thoughts seeped into his mind. The azure mist encircling them wafted downwards, thickening at their feet and draining into the ground below._

_A smirk pulled at His lips at His hold on Clint, proclaiming, __**"My Hawk."**_

"_Master."_

Clint's eyelids snapped open, his pupils dilated in shock as he sat up violently in the dark of his room. Jaw clenched and eyes narrowed, he attempted to steady his trembling breaths, his thoughts awhirl within his still sleep-fogged mind. He reclined to lean against the intricate headboard, rubbing the sleep from his eyes before resolutely tossing off his covers and easily navigating his way into the adjoining ensuite, reaching to drag the dimmer switch upwards slightly to gently illuminate the area.

He leaned his hands on the marble countertop and peered at his reflection, the perceptive storm-grey of his irises staring back at him instead of the bright azure he feared. He ruffled his hair with a sigh as he lowered the lights again and stepped back into his room, pausing by the edge of the mattress for a few minutes before a scowl twisted his lips and he continued on, past the remaining components of his section, to the door.

It swung open on soundless hinges and he stepped over the threshold, bare feet cushioned by the carpet of the floor's common and the fabric of his plaid, cotton pajama pants not allowing a rustle as he crossed the room and entered the elevator. _There's no point trying to avoid Stark's AI's watch, though there are probably no blind spots to make use of,_ the assassin thought as he pressed the button for the 92nd floor.

Arriving too soon for his liking, he cautiously moved into the common room presented to him. Halting, Clint cast his eyes from the door on one side of the space to that opposite it. Lingering for a few minutes more, he finally began to sidle towards the one on the right. _Should just ask Jarvis,_ he thought, though having already dismissed the idea due to the hope that the computer's attention was elsewhere, its attention only called if magic or intruders triggered its sensors.

Upon gingerly grasping the doorknob, a brief touch not unlike that of static-electricity traveled through him. He released the object instantly, guessing that Loki had erected some sort of spell over the door. He stood statuesque for a period of time afterwards, awaiting a violent defense or the noise of some movement from the other side. When neither were forthcoming, his eyes narrowed in suspicion before he decided to grab the handle again and enter without caution.

Again, there was no resultant retaliation, and Clint wondered whether he had imagined the sensation. He could still be in the wrong half. Taking care to step carefully so his footfalls were silent upon the hardwood flooring, he crept through the area until he neared the bed. Silky black hair revealed that the choice he'd made had been correct, but he didn't know what to think of that. _There's no connection left – I wasn't pulled to him. It was a fifty-fifty shot, that's all._

The Trickster was facing away from him, lying on His side but with His chest twisted to face downwards so to bury both arms underneath the pillow and lay His head atop it all. Clint watched the constant rise and fall of the covered torso for a moment before relenting and announcing, "I know you're awake."

A smirk pulled at Loki's mouth as his eyes opened and he leisurely rolled onto his back, greeting, "Good evening."

"Didn't think you were the type to nestle into a pillow," Clint remarked, adding, "You got a knife under there?"

"Clever deduction, pet," he praised, propping himself up on his elbows. A black t-shirt clung to him as the sheets fell to his waist, a contrast to Clint's shirtless form.

He pursed his lips at the endearment, but didn't voice an objection. After all, He'd only asserted His position and intentions last time in response.

"Was there something you needed?" Loki questioned.

"Just making sure you're not up to anything."

"Oh, really? That excuse may be able to persuade your fellows, but you have felt the extent of my knowledge of seidr and know that if I were up to something you wouldn't be able to find _any_ evidence of it, darling."

Clint grit his teeth in aggravation and retorted, "Jarvis'll have this recorded – Stark'll crack down on your cloning so he knows when only half of you is here."

"That presumes he can decipher it," he pointed out. "But I've nothing to fear, since I'm not up to anything."

"You just like pissing me off then – not that I'm surprised."

"Mm, well your reactions are intriguing… But it's more to keep you aware of my powers, as well as train you so you know how to deal with anyone powerful and intelligent that opposes your little group."

"I don't need you," the archer spat somewhat ambiguously, collectively referring to the exercise as well as the god's intent on protection, even the Trickster in general.

"I think that's a lie," Loki answered promptly. "Why come to me now, hm? I assume I feature in the dreams that caused you to awaken-"

"Don't flatter yourself-"

"-and yet without my presence here you would be tormented further, wouldn't you? Having the oppourtunity to see my present state provides you with an anchor for the now, instead of the past. There's no point in denying it."

Clint remained silent, index and middle fingers of his left hand twitching as he restrained the impulse to tap his thigh to relieve the disquiet he felt. Loki observed him with his head tilted slightly to one side before he asked, "Would you like to remain here?"

"No," he countered instantly, glaring at the god before turning and striding from the room. He wasn't a child to be coddled after a nightmare. The suggestion wasn't even considered for a fraction of a second.

Loki's piercing eyes rested on his hawk's figure as he exited, his wards notifying him of the assassin's silent leave of the floor, before he settled back down onto the bed, smirk lingering on his lips.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:  
**

**Drop a review and let me know what you think!**


	3. Division

**DISCLAIMER: ****I do not own any of the events or characters from the film **_**Thor,**_** nor**_** MARVEL'S The Avengers **_**– I am just borrowing them for play.**

**WARNINGS: This pairing will contain Dom/sub elements, simply due to the nature of their respective roles and also because of the perspectives I perceive as present in the relationship. Though unsure about the extent of Mature Content this fic might delve to include, the elements aforementioned above include:**

_**petting, hand-feeding, irrational possessiveness, public displays of ownership, and subservience**_

**These chapters are **_**excerpts**_** from my series **_**Compare and Contrast the Following**_** – they cannot be read without the context provided there.**

* * *

_**Despite Circumstances**_

**_-~S~-_**

_**This excerpt is from Enlightening Nuances, Chapter Twelve: Undulate. An extension of Clint's thoughts after he had leapt to attack Loki.**_

_**-~S~-**_

_Chapter Three: Division_

There was no way to overpower the weight settled on Clint's back and the strength holding him in position, but he continued to writhe and wriggle in a desire to gain some form of advantage. His mind churned with injured thoughts, _How DARE He?! How dare He come to me and say shit like others abuse me when He's using the information I gave Him to knife my closest friend – probably the only one I'd trust with my life – in all the places she's been hurt and worked for years to recover from?! How dare He… And to say He cares at all, when the bastard's SILVER-TONGUE details exactly how He's going to kill me!_

_The fucking son of a bitch! It's not like I've been caving into whatever shit He's concocting in His twisted little head, but we've all been forced into an alliance with Him! He's been saying He's been forced into working with the shit ton of aliens that attacked, but I remember Him orchestrating the whole thing and He's there explaining the personal war He'll wage against Natasha and me! The loathsome, vile-_

He twisted his wrists in the one-handed hold and attempted to straighten his arms to lower the placement of his hands, but Loki adjusted his grip to cross his wrists horizontally and lever them higher in opposition. The god then shifted backwards slightly and used his free hand to quickly tug the bottom of Clint's shirt from his jeans to remove the gun secured at the small of his back.

Clint growled as the firearm was vanished, wishing, however unrealistically, that the Trickster hadn't noticed the weapon He was sitting on and had loosened His hold enough so to allow him to shoot Him. Phil wouldn't let him kill Him, but bullets didn't do the same damage to the gods as to humans, so Clint should be permitted a few close-range shots in retribution for everything.

Loki cast an assessing gaze over those still standing, justifiably cautious of what their actions would be considering the emotional outburst of the assassin pinned beneath him. Natasha lowered her gun but maintained her steady grasp of it as she stepped closer to crouch alongside her partner. "It's over, Clint-" she coaxed firmly, "-and we got some useful information from the questioning."

"Do I look like I care?" he responded, craning his head to direct to the god he could partially view in his peripheral, "I'm going to cut your tongue out." _ So all your poisoned words are kept inside your blackened heart. So you can't force others to dance to your pulls of string._

Loki pressed himself over the length of his back and the arms He held crossed, advising, "Be more creative, pet," to Clint's renewed struggles.

'_Pet'?! Again with the 'pet'! I'm not your pet – you monster! _And with that last enraged thought, he stilled. Against his will, the vigour of his argument was swept from him by the images triggered by that word.

"_**Because I'm the monster that parents tell their children about at night?" **__Loki asked, tears shining on his eyelashes and trailing down over the skin of his cheeks.__ He held his hand up and looked at his cobalt skin, breath heavy and eyes wide as he turned it over, its fair tone returning.__** "Is it madness? Is it?" **__Loki shakily asked.__** "Is it?!" **__He panted as his eyelids lifted, his stare troubled as he pursed his lips and began to slow his trembling, the pain of the Other's touch lingering.__** "I remember a shadow."**_

He exhaled slowly, summoning the cruelty He had shown.

_The God of Chaos stabbed the device at the curator's face, the three spikes anchoring the machine as the central mechanism analyzed the eye as it gouged it from the man's skull. The crowd clamoured screaming from the sight, Loki maintaining his hold as the German thrashed. He breathed heavily in exertion, a smirk twisting his lips at the panic of the guests as the device continued to scrape the orifice of the optical organ. __**"KNEEL!"**__ he shrieked._

"_**And then he'll wake just long enough to see his good work, and when he screams I'll split his skull!"**_

With all of the injustices He had faced throughout His millennia of life, Clint knew that not one person in the room would blame Him for His actions – but that didn't make them right, or justified. The innocents that were injured or killed during the invasion that was led by the Trickster shouldn't be forgotten because He'd had a fit of insanity regarding His adoption and He'd been forced into commanding the Chitauri.

_And yet…_

* * *

"_Sir?" Clint called warily as he entered the dim room. "The Doc says Stark Tower's arc'll work for the portal."_

_In the damp, underground labyrinth of stone that they had settled in to work, some of the smaller sections had been cordoned off for storing food supplies and for rest, the scientists rotating their work schedules and the agents their guards so to maintain a group that was progressing as expected as well as being well-rested and prepared for action. His god had been overseeing their advances until most of the arrangements had plateaued, then had beckoned the archer to Him to detail the strengths and weaknesses of the team Clint had expected was being gathered._

_He had left when he had been dismissed, but at the conclusion of Selvig's equations had been offered an excuse to check on his god, who had not reappeared since then. Loki sat at the base of one of the walls of the empty space, legs stretched out on the grime covered tile underneath Him and crossed at the ankles and His arms crossed over His chest. He lifted His head at the report, responding distractedly, "That's good."_

_Clint could make out a smeared path on the other side of the small room, the tracks revealing to him that his god had been pacing in thought sometime beforehand. Though likely in absorbance of the information Clint had shared about the prospective Avengers and the plans for the invasion, he stepped closer and asked with a concerned frown, "Is everything alright?"_

_Loki's attention was drawn fully onto the archer at the inquiry, gazing thoughtfully at him before answering with a small smirk, "Yes." When the other made no move to exit, He questioned, "Was there anything else?"_

"_No, sir," he answered, though he walked closer. The assassin's sharp vision grasped his god's refusal to stand, even when the distance between them was reduced so much so that He had to look up at him to meet his eyes properly. Clint crouched beside Him instead, finding it to be inappropriate for him to be looking down at his god, and continued to cast his gaze over Him. "You hurt?"_

"_I'm weakened, but not injured, no," Loki replied._

_Clint knew that He hadn't been wounded in the fight at SHIELD, but He had been stumbling, so he'd asked. Working to relieve at least some of the burden he could see present in the tense lines of His shoulders, Clint assured, "We're going to win. Your plans are in motion, and mine're foolproof."_

_He chuckled, leaning His head back against the stone wall that braced Him and unfolding His arms as He breathed, "We'll see, Hawk," briefly brushing His fingers through Clint's hair._

_At the touch he permitted a smile, though the two were in the midst of a takeover, because it was evidence of His acceptance of him – that He saw him as an asset. His god had chosen him first to follow Him, and had praised his selection and organization of their hideout. He'd had to fight for upgrades to his bow and specialty arrows at SHIELD, but Loki had just accepted his skillset. Had even digested his excuse of wielding a gun for his failure to kill Fury, and hadn't blinked at his choosing of high perches for the ordering of the agents to their positions in the main chamber they were working in._

_There seemed to be so much that his god had done for him, in excess of giving him his freedom, and so Clint desired to put at ease His mind while they were in the only foreseeable lull until everything was over._

_He shifted to lift himself up slightly, turning and slinging a leg over Loki's so to straddle His lap before asking, "Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?"_

_His god blinked for a moment at the proposition, hands hovering uncertainly as His stare searched Clint's own bright blue eyes. The archer was unsure of what He was seeking, but knew of the earnest devotion he felt towards Him. His mind was filled with his service to his god, to the one who had saved him when he hadn't known he'd needed saving from the harmful underappreciation of SHIELD. His contentedness in His presence and with His goals filled him, and he could even feel the faint connection at the back of his mind to the unbelievable core of power in Him. The link strengthened at certain times – when they'd met, when he had been speaking of the Avengers. He hoped that it would again. Their relationship felt as though it intensified in those moments, him touching His magic and being tethered more securely to Him._

_Loki sighed softly before gently laying a hand on one of the thighs astride Him, giving a quirked smile as He shook His head. He cooed, "You're not thinking clearly, pet," as He lifted His free hand to run His fingers through Clint's hair once again._

_He furrowed his brows in confusion as he slightly tilted his head, asking doubtfully, "What do you mean?" He was always aware and always isolated a target to pursue – he was always thinking clearly. "I know the average human's not anything to you, but I'd be able to entertain you for a bit-"_

"_Oh, darling," He swiftly interrupted, gripping his jaw with both hands and bowing his head to place a kiss on his forehead. It felt like a blessing from his god. "I can't allow myself to become distracted – and you would definitely cause me distraction if I could have you."_

_Clint narrowed his eyes in disbelief of the excuse, but accepted it with a 'Yes, sir'. He was reluctant to move from his position, the contact with his god comforting, and so decided to remain until Loki expressed an opposing want._

"_Have you rested at all?" He asked with a raised eyebrow as Clint's muscles unwound, His hands lowering to lightly rest at his waist._

"_I've been keeping an eye out," he rationalized. "The guys have access to a lot of weaponry – have to make sure they're loyal to you."_

_Loki hummed in acquiesce before circling His hold to the small of his back, pressing his body forward until he lay against His chest. "Sleep," He commanded. "Your strength's needed for my plans."_

_Clint thought to object, his god likely needing more rest than him as he was at full strength, but it was not in him to defy a direct order from Him. He worked his arms between the wall and around Loki's back and tucked his face into the side of His neck, drifting off to the comforting thought that if any threat did appear before Him before he could move, his back guarded his god's torso._

* * *

He didn't know what to do, what to think about the conflicting views he'd gotten of the Trickster. He closed his eyes for a moment and breathed deeply, steadying his emotions as he thought, _There's no point in me doing anything now – we're in the middle of something. We need these discs, and Him, to know what we're up against. I'll just keep watching Him._

"Get off me," he growled with a glare over his shoulder, and, though Loki raised an eyebrow at his cessation of aggression, He lifted Himself from his back and released His hold on his arms.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: The flashback you've been waiting for! Hope you were satisfied with it, and the conflicting thoughts Clint's struggling with ;P**

**Drop a review and let me know what you think!**


	4. Confessions

**DISCLAIMER: ****I do not own any of the events or characters from the film **_**Thor,**_** nor**_** MARVEL'S The Avengers **_**– I am just borrowing them for play.**

**WARNINGS: This pairing will contain Dom/sub elements, simply due to the nature of their respective roles and also because of the perspectives I perceive as present in the relationship. Though unsure about the extent of Mature Content this fic might delve to include, the elements aforementioned above include:**

_**petting, hand-feeding, irrational possessiveness, public displays of ownership, and subservience**_

**These chapters are **_**excerpts**_** from my series **_**Compare and Contrast the Following**_** – they cannot be read without the context provided there.**

* * *

_**Despite Circumstances**_

_**-~S~-**_

**_This excerpt is from Enlightening Nuances, Chapter Sixteen: Assemble. An extension of Clint's thoughts on himself, the Scepter's control, and Loki._**

_**-~S~-**_

_Chapter Four: Confessions_

"_**You don't understand, I-"**__ he started before interrupting his words with laboured panting. __**"Have you ever had someone take your brain and play?" **__he wondered in halting explanation as she paused. __**"Pull you out, and stuff something else in?"**_

One of Clint's blinks slowed before he resolutely affixed his gaze onto the screen, not permitting his eyes to close under the influx of emotional thoughts consequent from the echo of his words.

_He craned his head to stare up at her beseechingly. __**"Do you know what it's like to be unmade?"**_

_She turned to him, responding, __**"You know that I do."**_

He knew that she did; his partner could empathize on a level that many others couldn't, but he still couldn't help feeling as though this was a unique incident that no one, save him, could fully understand.

_It's different – of course it is. Manipulation is one thing, I've been steered towards decisions by the strings others have had on me too – but this? This is forcing you to act with the firm belief that you want to, and to not be sure afterwards if you really did or not. This was changing a part of me with that Scepter, dogging Loki's steps, and developing something that I'm starting to think is Stockholm syndrome._

_How can I not sympathize with Him, though? Even Fury was able to convince the Council of using Him as a consultant after watching the events that led Him to His actions, nevermind the team's response to seeing it all and hearing Thor's accounts of what He went through before – what happened to His children._

_And it may seem to them that I should be less likely to move towards working with Him after the whole invasion, but I was working with Him then. And I could feel His core, His mind linked to mine. They can't comprehend what I felt when connected to Him. They don't fully understand yet what it means that these gods are immortal – have lived to see civilizations rise and fall, and will be here long after our grandchildren's children are nothing more than bones buried in the ground. They can't understand the amount of experience and intelligence and power that I'd felt in Him._

_I still can't grasp it. And the sensation is fading the longer I distance myself from Him and His magic, _he admitted to himself with his hands clenched into fists on top of his thighs.

"Being undone helps you to find definition, doesn't it?" Loki commented idly, his chin propped on his knuckles.

It was a simply voiced sentiment, one that was sobering to all of the occupants of the room. Their pasts forged their characters; the events they have persevered through have proved their strengths.

Clint might muse on what his life might've been like if his parents hadn't died when he was young, if the Swordsman hadn't left him for dead, if him and Barney had stayed in touch – but then who would he be? Would he be able to recognize himself, be able to be proud of all that he'd accomplished? Would he have even met Natasha, or would she have been killed by an agent of SHIELD when she'd caught their attention?

He has never been able to look on his past with regret, because it was _his_. And that had to be true of all that had happened during the invasion too. Surfacing out of the Scepter's control had forced him to question who he really was, had forced him to dismiss all delusions he had held about himself. At his core, he simply follows the orders of others – always has. He needs a purpose to drive him. Nothing so upstanding as a code he set for himself or a belief in something – he just defends and fights for some_one_.

Barney. Jacques. Phil. Fury. Natasha.

And Loki.

_He continued to breathe heavily as he hung his head and cast his eyes to the floor, shifting his gaze as his eyebrows furrowed. He questioned in confusion, __**"Why am I back?" **__turning to face her, __**"How'd you get him out?"**_

Suddenly thrust out of the azure that had stained his point of view, Clint had easily adhered to the belief that all of his actions were out of his control. With all the time that he'd had to reflect though, and the explanation Loki had given as to how the scepter worked to manipulate, he knew that that had been him.

_Under different circumstances, if I'd thought to become a freelance killer instead of taking SHIELD up on their offer, I would've had no qualms about working for a newly arrived alien (in appearance) bent on mass genocide and world takeover. It'd have been just a job._

_My employ now is only an illusion of taking the moral high ground. If SHIELD had sent me to Germany to break into a secure facility and appropriate some iridium, or to lead a squad into an enemy's headquarters and take down everyone, would I even question the orders? I don't ask for reasoning, if they're threatening innocents or the integrity of humanity – I'm given a mission, say 'yes, sir', and move out._

_The Scepter, or Gem or whatever, may have forced the situation, but in the end how's Loki different from anyone else I've followed? His past shaped Him into who He is today – and He may not've earned my loyalty through exposure and familiarity, but does that mean he's undeserving of it?_

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: I realized that I've been inserting these excerpts every four chapters, and now that I've noticed the pattern my OCD won't let me stop...**

**Drop a review and let me know what you think!**


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